I’d like to look at of the process of Christian conversion, defined as an episode of deconstruction leading to an experience of metanoia, by looking at two scenarios:
a)…The response to the actual event of Christ’s crucifixion by the Centurion and the crowds.
b)…A story of the response to a woman’s testimony given at a Pentecostal Church by a fellow who really didn’t want to be at the church service that night. (The episodes in this story are true but I’ve fused them together in a way that gives a better narrative flow to the story.)
Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And after he said this, he breathed his last. Now when the centurion saw what had happened, he praised God and said, “Certainly this was an innocent man!” And all the crowds that had gathered for this spectacle, when they saw what had taken place, returned home beating their breasts. And all those who knew Jesus stood at a distance and the women who had followed him from Galilee saw these things….Luke 23: 46-48
The above scene from Luke, chronicles the final moments of Jesus on the cross and the immediate reaction to his death by the Roman Centurion and by the crowds who had gathered for the spectacle. Both the Centurion and the crowds each undergo a form of ‘deconstruction’. For the Centurion it triggers a verbal response, “Certainly this was an innocent man!” or as in Mark’s gospel, “Surely this man was the Son of God!” and for the crowd a nonverbal response, [they] “returned home beating their breasts”.
As the executioner of Jesus, the Centurion was acting as an agent of Tiberius Caesar doing his duty in the maintaining of the ‘pax Romana’ (the Roman Peace and Justice). In the Roman scheme of things Tiberius Caesar was known as “Tiberius - Son of Divine Augustus” and “Pontifex Maximus” (Great Priest). These would have been the inscriptions on the coin that Jesus used in his “Render to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God” retort to the Pharisees. The Centurion, in the name of the Divine Tiberius (Son of God and High Priest), crucifies Jesus (Son of God and High Priest) as part of the Roman effort to bring peace and justice on earth.
So, for the Centurion to look upon Jesus and say: “My God! This was an innocent man!” or (in Mark) “Surely this man was the Son of God!” is a potentially treasonous questioning of the integrity of Roman justice. The Divine Tiberius and his bureaucracy have just killed an innocent man, a major boo-boo. Like the child’s game of Jenga where pieces are removed from a wooden tower until it collapses the ‘seeing’ that Centurion experienced at the foot of the cross has loosened up a few foundational pieces of his ideological edifice and he is now in a state of deconstruction.
At this point this is not a complete conversion experience for the Centurion. His full conversion, or metanoia, may or may not come but if it does it will be at some point in the future. His is now in the gap, the place between deconstruction and metanoia. What is the terrain of this territory? The second part of this essay tries to map out some of its topography. In our evangelistic efforts following on from the deconstruction, wrought by the Holy Spirit, we will be involved in helping to lead people through this strange land and will have the God given responsibility to befriend them.
The Centurion was able to verbalize his response to the deconstructive event of the crucifixion. The text of the gospel also talks about the nonverbal response of the crowds who, “returned home beating their breasts”. Like the Centurion the crowds show up with their particular agenda. They had “gathered for the spectacle”. They were addicted to the ‘spectacle’ of the bloody violence. It became an ongoing ‘fix’ for them, a pornography not of explicit sexuality but of explicit violence. Think of the draw of the Roman gladiatorial games. The spectacle of the ongoing crucifixions gave them a ‘high’, it was their ‘fix'. They came for the ‘buzz’.
Like the Centurion, when the crowds ‘saw’ what had taken place they had an epiphany as well. It is interesting that the Greek word that is used in this Gospel passage for ‘seeing’ is the word ‘theoria’, which is where we get our word ‘theory’ which has to do with the mapping of the deep structure of something, i.e. the Theory of Relativity. Interestingly, this is the only time ‘theroria’, is used in the New Testament. For the crowd it was as if the veil of the raw phenomena of what was happening had been mysteriously pulled back and they had an unsettling glimpse of the deeper ontological reality, of this particular crucifixion event.
The effect of ‘seeing’ Jesus, high and lifted up, was that their high, their buzz never materialized. They, “returned home beating their breasts”, deflated by their experience and suffering the deconstruction of what had been their anticipated reality. They too were on their way to a potential metanoia. Some of them would probably have been there when Peter spoke on the day of Pentecost, and some may have become converts on that day.
Fast forward 2000 years:
My friend Gordon was a marine engineer. My father and I had a nautical instrument business and Gordon was one of our customers. We knew him in his natural habitat. He was what you would term a hard living hard drinking kind of guy with a ‘no-bullshit’ approach to life. He was a true character from Newfoundland and thoroughly enjoyed the company of his compatriots at the local bar. He had bravado to spare. Imagine my surprise when I met Gordon in the church foyer one Sunday evening.
He was obviously feeling a bit awkward and said to me that had agreed to come ‘once’ just to “keep the missus” quiet. He went on to say that church was just a place where weak minded people came to indulge in bouts of emotional diarrhea and that the whole religious “thing” was just a lot of ‘damn’ foolishness. The church service that night, he felt sure, would prove his points and that this would get his wife off his back once and for all.
At one point in the service a woman named Ann got up and gave her testimony. Now Ann was a straight shooter, like Gordon, and was the type of person that grabbed your attention when she spoke. Her witness, that night, went like this:
“You know, brothers and sisters! Three times! THREE TIMES! THREE TIMES! They’ve literally dug my grave!!”
“And three times God has healed me and raised me up! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.”
“And do you know what I’ve discovered, brothers and sisters??....I’ve discovered that cancer is not my Alpha and Omega! no-o-o no… JESUS he’s my Alpha and Omega!! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!... and this evening he can become your Alpha and Omega!”
“36 years now I’ve been cancer free!! ... Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!” “And do you know what, brothers and sisters?? When I do die it will be on Jesus’ terms not cancer’s terms!!! … Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”
“I stand here tonight, brothers and sisters, as living proof that whatever has you bound, whatever has you held captive, JESUS has the power to BREAK those chains!!! ... Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!”
“And I can tell you, with certainty, that whoever the Son sets free is FREE INDEED!!! ... Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”
When Ann had finished her testimony there was a holy hush that came over the congregation. I saw Gordon at the end of the service with his head down making a bee-line for the church door, he just wanted to get the hell out of there. Social interaction and a bit of marketing his bravado was obviously not on his mind.
In chatting with Gordon, after his conversion, he said that life was not quite the same for him after that evening. His theme song, “One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer”, didn’t have the same resonance that it used to. In fact, he had trouble singing any of his old songs in the strange new land that he found himself in. It is interesting that he came to the church service that evening with his own agenda, to expose it as the ‘over the top’ emotional spectacle that he claimed it to be. He came to deconstruct the spectacle, but the spectacle ended up deconstructing him and he returned home that night metaphorically “beating his breast”.
Ann’s testimony was an interesting mix of powerful personal anecdote and scriptural reference. One could certainly analyze the phenomenological aspects of her testimony by looking at its psychological and sociological components but for Gordon these surface veils were drawn back and for an instant he had a glimpse of the ontological substratum of reality. He had a ‘theoria’ moment.
Ann was a witness in two senses. For example, in a legal setting one can come before the court to testify either as a 1st person witness (an eyewitness to the event) or as a 3rd person witness (an expert witness as to the meaning of the evidence entered). Ann could certainly testify to the state of her physical health, and she had had 36 years to contemplate her situation in the context of the scriptures. That night, it was as if the sacrament of the living Word was presented to Gordon in the chalice of Ann’s testimony and he had his first taste of sanctifying Grace.
Ann’s testimony operated at another level as well. In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul states… Imitate me, as I also imitate Christ. Implicit in Ann’s witness was the invitation to see her as a ‘model or an icon’. “If I can do this, so can you” was the subtext of her narrative. Now, the property of an icon is to draw attention to itself but not to function as an end in itself. Icons lead through themselves and point to a reality beyond themselves. Ann presented her life of trust and surrender to Jesus as an ‘icon’ that could be used to help lead someone into the arms of the heavenly Father.
Like Ann, we are all potential ‘icons’ of the love of God. In a sense this is what the first line of the Lord’s Prayer is about. God’s name is either hallowed or desecrated by our daily conduct. So “hallowed be the Name” could be rephrased as something like, “let us be instruments (icons) through which your works, manifested in us, bring honor and praise and glory to your name.” Our imitation of the Trinitarian love of God creates for others, using Charles Taylor’s terminology, a ‘social imaginary’ where salvation makes sense.
Gordon, whose default ‘social imaginary’ had been constructed using the building blocks of ‘a dog eat dog‘ form of competition mixed with lots of bravado had had a few of his foundational Jenga blocks loosened up by his ‘theoria’ experience that night. For this initial deconstructive event to lead to a metanoia moment Gordon needed to travel into a new ‘social imaginary’, that land where all things can become new.
Paul, in 1 Corinthians 1:22-23 says:
…but we preach Christ crucified, to Jews a stumbling block and to Gentiles foolishness, but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.
Gordon, by his own admission to me in the church foyer that first night, was living at the ‘foolishness’ end of the pipe. It was our responsibility as disciples of Christ to help fan and fuel that initial spark of ‘theoria’ in Gordon’s soul until he was consumed by, in Pentecostal parlance, “Holy Ghost Fire”. It was by us modeling Christ’s love to Gordon that would be the catalyst that would replace his “foolishness” perspective and generate in him a desire for salvation.
I’ll give you an example. Gordon wanted to upgrade his marine engineering qualifications and our business supplied the textbooks to the local marine college. He had had a workplace injury and thus had some down time. My father and I decided to give Gordon the full set of engineering textbooks, about $400 worth. When I showed up at his house to deliver the books Gordon burst into tears. The love of God, that universal solvent, had started to dissolve the hardness of his heart. He knew that this gift was pure generosity. Gordon was not used to being the recipient of un-merited grace.
It was a team effort between the initial witness of Ann’s testimony and the ongoing witness, by the congregation, to the love of the Trinitarian life of God, that eventually helped Gordon travel into his new ‘social imaginary’. Like any journey from a known place to an unknown place it took time and the terrain between deconstruction and metanoia can be a frightening wilderness. For Gordon this trek took a while and was not without its mountain top as well as its valley experiences. During that time, he needed the company of various Moses(s) to journey with him.
So, one Sunday evening, 2 years after his first taste of sanctifying Grace from the chalice of Ann’s testimony, with the congregation singing “All to Jesus I Surrender” Gordon came forward with tears in his eyes, knelt at the altar and said, like Mary, “let it be done to me according to your Word”. Gordon said that he saw himself, that night, as being like the prodigal son coming home into the arms of his heavenly Father.
Although this story is set in the culture of the Pentecostal Church, I think that the ‘take away(s)’ from this narrative are applicable to our efforts in Catholic Evangelism.
Blog image: Gerard de la Vallee (1626-1667) - Longinus piercing Christ's side with a spear
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